I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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