i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
