dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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