Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
