Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
