I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
