dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
