have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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