its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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