I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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