I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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