i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
