How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
