Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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