He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
