also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
