I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
