So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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