Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
