i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
