Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
