i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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