all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
