okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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