You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
