How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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