if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
