So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
