Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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