my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
