apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
