blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
