After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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