physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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