He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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