He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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