I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
