I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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