Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
