heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
