Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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