Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
