You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
