Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
so much tequila, so little girl.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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