Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
