38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
