I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
foreskin is a definite game changer
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
