Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
