I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My boob is missing a layer of skin
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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