Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
