dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
