Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i think i have two assholes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
