Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
