So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
