someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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